So I'm bipolar well that explains alot in my life that I did not understand. Emotions, actions and reactions to life. Don't worry I'm not hearing voices or wanting to hurt myself or others...although, just kidding! LOL ;) According to my doctors this was due to not taking action on the traumatic event in my childhood and also the post partum in 2003. Now I take Rx and it's a wonderful thing I have to say. I tried doing the "natural remedy" but it only worked for a few months and then I realized I had to take the real deal. At first I was ashamed of saying that I was bipolar but it's who I am and who I have learned to be and love.
After I started taking the Rx, my oldest told me that she was happy that I wasn't sad or angry any more. That was all I needed to continue to take care of myself which I did not realize I "had a problem". For years I was "accused" of having a nasty attitude...well yeah I was walking around not being attended by a doctor. Enough about that and on to more of me. In late 2008 I accepted Christ as my Savior and my life has been so much better. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better....it did!!!!! The group of people I have meant through church and work (same place for me) has made me realize that I have more mothers that I could have ever asked for. I'm blessed to have these ladies in my life and in my family's life.
Christmas 2008 my mother called me and wanted to talk so I agreed. At the time her husband was not living with her so this means she was alone (I believe that had a lot to do with it). She doesn't like to be alone and depends on company all the time. Anyway we agreed that she can come by and visit with us and the girls, why you ask well because I wanted to do the right thing and maybe a part of guilt was still there. My daughters really don't have a grandmother because my mother in law passed 16 years ago so all they have is my mother. Are you still with me? At the beginning of her visit it felt good to have her around but then things started changing. Those feelings were disappearing and I felt at ease with them. I had no need to see her and my daughters didn't really miss her so this made the situation easier. My mother was under the impression that I was going to be different because she was back in my life but I wasn't. I for once was at peace with her and the situation. My guilty feelings and anger were gone from my mind and heart, another part of me was free!!!!!! That is the best way I can explain, in Myriam language. ;)
I later found that she took her husband back and that is why she stopped coming by and calling. No need for explanation there from her to me because that is her pattern. She is a grown lady and makes her decision whether they are good or not. Like I said before God placed me to be around all these different ladies and I understand why now. Thank you Lord for my many blessings that words can't explain!
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