Parental Protection

As a mother of two girls I feel it is my number one duty to protect them all the time. Which leads me into my next section of my life. After everything came out to my mother and father I felt the protection was not there. To me it felt that it was an inconvenience to their "life style". My mother was in denial (in my opinion) because she was blinded my her trips, jewelry, home, and all the material things that she felt was important. This is because she stated to me that she never had that with my father, her first husband. Really? My father was a ladies man so he was (in my eyes) enjoying his life because that is what he choose to do. (I feel they love me but sometimes I don't feel it is a true affection) Please understand that as a child I still love them because they brought me into this world but it has been a difficult pill to swallow, of course.

I made my mother aware of what happened when I was 15 years old. It was made easier for me to tell her because a friend of the family at the time, flat out asked me. How she knew....I never asked her why she asked but I was relieved that someone could notice and it was great that I didn't have to tell my mother alone. This shocking news was scary for me to tell her and it seemed to shock my mother as well. But I soon realized that the feeling she gave at the Tampa restaurant changed once we arrived home and things settled, authorities were involved, and then my world changed once again.

Okay where do I continue from the first post.... Oh yes, I was sexually abused from the age of 8-13, which are hard years on a girl (if you ask me). This is the point in a young girls life where you grow out of the "baby" items and into more girlie things. I still played with Barbies and my friends in the neighborhood but it was a tough and a "long" 5 years for me. (and the years to follow were even longer) To my knowledge my mother was not aware of what was occuring but I did ask myself, does she know? Can she tell? Will she be mad at me? What will she do? So for those five years I did not say anything to anyone because I didn't know what I should do. You may ask why not? Honestly, now there is more awareness then back then and also my family was the type that cared about image. How could that happen in our family! (Now I know that image is nothing and that everyone has some type of disfunctional family issues) Through this time I was shy/ timid and to myself. I spent many hours in my room watching tv or listening to the radio and day dreaming of anything to escape my "world". I don't really remember too many friends but do remember my cousins whom I grew up with, and now they are more like my siblings then cousins. Even then I did not tell them because I was embrassed and afriad of what they might say. (I know the difference now and have talks to my daughters about not holding back and just speaking, being free with their words towards us).

I felt I couldn't go to my father because he lived in Puerto Rico while we lived in Florida. Plus, he was busy with his "ladies" and enjoying his life. We never had a close relationship and it wasn't until Sept of 1997 that we started having a closer relationship. I finally told my father one day what happend to me and I think it was in 1992 or 1993. I had the chance to live with him for about 6 months, due to my poor choices in guys (whole another chapter in my life which I will expose on a later time). I expected more from my father then the way he racted, (I have blocked a lot out of my mind from this time) so I believe he called my mother and not sure what she told him since she had the tendency to be a lair about the situation. Regardless I felt good because my father knew and now he could protect me. So I thought!

First Day

Hello all... I'm not sure how to start but here I go. I arrived at work and didn't think that today would be the day to start a blog but that changed quickly. I read a blog from my friend, Theresa and then asked how do I start one.....and here I am. I believe I will like this a lot. I have so much on my heart and mind to say but will try my hardest not to jump around.

I am a mother of two beautiful girls 8 1/2 and 6 years old, married to the most awesome, amazing, and Godly man for 12 years and will be 13 years in November but have been together for 16 years. I am in my "late" 30's and loving it. As most ladies fight the battle of trying to get the "before kids" body back; so do I. (you will read about this too) :)

I was born in Puerto Rico and my parents divorced when I was about 5-6 years. My father had many ladies, and my mother re-married to a man that was 8 years younger then her. This is where I begin my life. I hope that I do not offend anyone but more help others cope, understand and be free of their chains from sexual abuse.