Another page turns

First I would like to say that the last post and possibly the one before were raw....please understand these are my feelings from the time this happened. I am a new creation now and have learned from my past. (I still have more learning to do) :)

Once I met Julian, he was like no other guy I had ever met before. He was polite, nice, caring and understanding. A complete 360 from the guys I have ever chose to date before. I asked myself if there was something wrong with him, and the answer was and still is NO. He was brought up differently then others I have known. After a few months of dating I told him my story (briefly) because we were getting serious and I wanted him to know more about me. Looking back now, it made our relationship stronger and an open line of communication is one of the keys to a great relationship, in my opinion. During this time I still had "beef" with my mother because I was still angry towards her and the situation. I tried to work it out as best as I could and I was pre-occupied with my new love for life.... Julian. He was the one that always told me I needed to share what happened with my grandmother and others in my family. I told him I couldn't but he encouraged me to do so anyway. My life was good while we dated and then we got married in 1997, which was 3 1/2 years later. The day of my wedding I was happy because I was getting married to the love of my life but at the same time; I was angry because my mother and him still had some control, I don't even know how to describe it. How they said things or did things..... ?

I was pregnant with our first baby girl (July 2001) and we were scared and excited. I gave some thought about the situation between my mother and I. My conclusion was to allow her to be in the room when I gave birth. Why you may ask, well my thinking process was; if I allowed her to see the birth of my child it will bring her back memories of her own labor when she brought me into this world and allow her heart to open to me. Unfortunately, that did not work that way. Now that I became a mother it was even easier for me to make decision on my own. I wanted to and still protect my daughters!!!! I knew that I couldn't allow him to be around my daughter. I asked myself if my mom thought differently, and I think she did. Could she not understand where I was coming from? Was I speaking in another language she did not understand? I say these things because she did not come over to visit with us. My main rule was, he was not allowed in our house. So because of this she chose not to visit with us and would get upset about my firm decision. Was I asking a lot.... I don't think so.

So the days, weeks, months and years passed. In November 2003 I gave birth to our second baby girl. Once again I allowed my mother to witness this gift from God. But once again it did not go as I thought. I still did not allow him in our house!!! She rarely saw her grand daughters if she came over alone. At times she had family over from out of town at her house and at times we would stop in. If we went over it was for a short time and everyone always asked why we were leaving so soon. My mother always stated to others that she never got to see her grand daughters but she failed to tell them why. I followed her comments with my own, that she alone was welcome at our house. I'm not sure if family and others knew what that meant. (I have to think yes and I will go into that later).